What I learned from trying to become an ecowarrior

About 10 years ago, I took a subject in college called Environmental Engineering. Since then, I started to become aware of the daily impacts my life has pressed against the environment. I tried to be more mindful of how I consume the resources of the planet.

I am still in the process of being environmentally conscious. Honestly, I do not feel that I am worthy enough to be heard. Highly credible scientists have presented this issue a looooong time ago and barely anybody listened.

But allow me to share with you a few of my learnings on becoming an ecowarrior. It may not be as optimistic as one would like but I write this with all honesty.

1. Being sustainable is not a trend, it’s a lifestyle.

I once thought that being sustainable is like being on a diet. Sacrifice for a few months and everything will turn out fine. Well I was wrong. Very wrong. It took me awhile to realize that I needed to do this for the rest of my life. I needed to set my mind that this is the way I am going to do things– broke or rich. And if I am lucky, this is how my children and grandchildren will live.

By 2050, studies show that there will not be enough resources for every person on the planet. I could not imagine. Forest and animals extinct. Breathing in pollution 24hours a day. My future children may not know what trees are.  It would be like walking into a different planet.

This idea helped me understand that the motivation to become an ecowarrior is more than just for Instagram, more than just peer pressure, more than just trying to be different or more than just the cute bamboo toothbrush. This requires commitment. I am going to do this for the rest of your life because the world is not going to wait for me. There should be a deeper reason that will help me sustain this lifestyle.

2. There are no rewards or visible results.

It’s easy to be swoon away into doing this because for the past years, I did not get anything. None. Nahda. Nothing. I did not get any gratification for this. I was not given recognition for not using a plastic bag at the grocery store. My employer did not give me a raise when they found out that I wash my own lunchbox to reuse them the following day.

Unlike dieting, being eco-friendly did not give me desirable results after months, years of sacrificing my convenience. And the disheartening part is– water sources remained polluted, plastics did not disintegrate, animals continued to become extinct and climate change has become more evident. It could get really discouraging.

I asked myself, why do this if nothing improves? Why go through this effort when the results are discouraging? I always go back to my reason and motivation. I do not dream of a perfect planet. I dream of a livable Earth.

3. Its inconvenient.

I am LAZY. I say it with so much conviction and shame. And the world is designed in a way that fosters my laziness. Life should be convenient and effortless.

Decades ago, the term “Necessity is the mother of invention” was true. But now, “Convenience is the mother of invention” seems to be a more fitting phrase. I use plastic bags when grocery shopping because its inconvenient for me to bring my own reusable bag. I use plastic utensils because its too much effort for me to bring my own reusable utensils. I drive a car because its troublesome for me to squeeze a personal space with other passengers on a train or bus.

Honestly, it is very inconvenient to become an ecowarrior. Plastics make life so much easy and convenient. Its designed to fit the fast-paced lifestyle. It’s difficult to say NO to plastics because it’s also saying NO to convenience.

4. Just because I can afford it, does not mean I can be wasteful.

I have a job. I may not like it, but it pays the bills and it can also pay for a little happiness. Living in a tropical country, I like coming home to a full blasting air conditioning unit. After a day’s work, I will eat my plastic-wrapped takeout food. Half of it will be my dinner. The other half will be in the garbage by morning. It’s also quite relaxing for me to sleep while the TV is on- with sounds on mute of course.

When I am staying at any hotel, I will leave all appliances in my room turned on even if I am out. It takes all my energy to turn it off when I leave and turn it back on when I come back after a few hours. After all, wasting precious energy is included in the hotel price and it’s only fitting of me to get my money’s worth.

That was my life before. I will use electricity with zero regard for its sources and the environment. I will buy all sorts of useless items because it gives me temporary joy. It was a journey to flip this mindset. I am not rich, but it brings me joy now when I save money even if it’s just a small amount.

5. It will create a domino effect in your life

At the moment, I only have one pair of rubber shoes. I use it for jogging, walking, gym, Zumba and errands. It’s very comfortable and it gives me the support and protection that I need. I am not an athlete, nor do I aspire to become one. I only have one pair of rubber shoes because I believe that is all I need.

Since it’s the only pair of rubber shoes that I have, I take good care of it. I clean it regularly and I store it properly. To extend the useful life of my rubber shoes, I try to walk with good stance. I do not drag my feet when I walk so as not to thin out the soles of my shoes. I try to improve my posture and monitor my food intake, so I can carry myself well and alleviate the pressure from my feet and thus, reduce the pressure from my shoes.

I try to practice this mentality in all my items. Take good care of the things that I own since most of them were not responsibly-sourced and ethically-made. Using them for a long time can help reduce the trash attrition.

 

Trying to become an ecowarrior has changed the way I eat, I stand, I clean my space and how I live. Being an ecowarrior is inconvenient, troublesome and tiring. Can you imagine mother nature saying the same thing to us?

Waste

Six years ago, I graduated with a degree in Chemical Engineering in the most expensive school in my country. Few months later, I took the national board exam and failed. I was devastated, disappointed, embarrassed, and shattered. And with zero sense of self-worth, I applied for a minimum wage job at a construction company. I landed the job. It was a contractual position. Work was 9 hours a day, six days a week with no benefits. To be honest, I didn’t quite understood my job description. I spent most of my days on social media and no one seemed to care. No task was assigned to me. I didn’t have deadlines or reports. Whenever I ask my boss or my colleagues for a task or something to do or if the need any of my help, they would say “No, this task is too petty for you. You came from a good university, you shouldn’t be doing such petty tasks”.

I was like a fly on the wall. No one cared if I was working or not. There were times when my colleagues would say things like “What are you doing here? Earning so little with your university degree. Its a shame to your parents. They paid so much for your tuition fee and you only earn minimum wage. You’re wasting your university education”

After 3 months I left, not because of their unsolicited opinions of my career choices but because I got bored of not doing anything. I was more ashamed of not being able to explain to anyone what I exactly do at work than earning minimum wage given my university degree. Pretending to be busy when I there’s nothing to do seemed very difficult for me. So maybe I was really wasting my university education in that company (?)

Few months after I left, I landed a job at famous fast food chain. I was assigned in the real estate department. My job was to look for new store locations. It was a permanent job with good benefits and I was no longer a minimum wage earner. Work was 8 hours a day 5 days a week. It was better than my job at the construction company.

Three months into the job and the greatest achievement as an employee was just attend the company retreat. Just like my previous job, there were no tasks assigned to me. My job was to simply show up at work. It didn’t even matter if I show up 3 hours late. My boss was very aware that there was nothing for me to do. So he would always tell me that they are still planning my work load and work processes and I just needed to wait.

Tbh, being paid to wait feels weird. I began to feel self-conscious “Do they think I can’t do it? Am I not trainable? Are they planning to replace me? Did they think it was a mistake  to hire me? Did I do something wrong?” It didn’t help when some of my colleagues began to feel curious “Why are you here and not practicing your degree? This is completely unrelated to what you have learned from your university. Don’t you think that this kind of work is a waste of your degree?”

And So, when an opportunity to work for the leading petroleum company presented itself, I immediately grabbed it. I left the fast food chain because, again, I couldn’t stand pretending to be busy when I’m not. I was part of the admin department when I worked at the oil company. Though my work was not engineering-related, it felt like I was making  the most of my university’s name. It gave great compensation and benefits. Work was very simple yet the work load was mountainous. I was immediately given tasks and deadlines on the first few days of working. I enjoyed the busyness of it all. I liked that I had something to do and I’m actually being paid for my work.

But tbh, I find the job very easy. It was too simple that a high school student could do it. I could do my job with my eyes closed. My co-workers and I would joke about our work and call ourselves “glamorized clerks” or “over-paid clerks”. We were university degree holders yet our job could easily be done by a teenager while updating his facebook account. People would say “Isn’t this a waste of your skill? a waste of your potential? you could do better than this”

I tried applying to a more engineering-related department but no one would accept me since I seemed to be under qualified as I failed the national board exam.But I was so bored with my work. There was no challenge. Everyday was the same as yesterday. There was nothing to achieve. Nothing to look forward to. I felt stuck.

I made a decision to improve myself. After 3 years of being an over-paid clerk for the oil company, I resigned and started to study safety engineering. Few months later, I earned my certification as a safety engineer. Then I proceeded to retake the chemical engineering board exam. Thankfully this time around, I passed.

I now started to look for work. I really feel very much qualified for an engineering position. I’m a chemical engineer and at the same time a safety engineer. And I have the certifications and licenses to back it up.

But it has been 10 months of unfruitful job hunt. Still, some companies would want to hire me for minimum wage while having full use of all my licenses. Some would want me to be part of their admin department since I had experience on that. But that would mean completely turning my back against everything I worked hard for and  defeat the purpose of improving myself. Some companies have offered a call center position. I would answer calls about credit cards and home appliance inquiries. Surprisingly, they offer really good compensation packages.

Honestly, I don’t know what to feel. I feel I have been fed a lie. I feel betrayed. I feel angry and depressed and hopeless. I feel like there’s nowhere for me to go. Its as if I don’t belong anywhere. I thought that if I studied and earned a degree and pass all these certifications then I would land a decent job with a salary that can pay my bills.

They say that an investment in education pays the best interest. Is that still applicable to this generation? Because to be honest when I look at a job board, I feel that my expensive education is a waste of  resources. It feels that I made the wrong investment. I’m very grateful for my parents for paying my tuition. I can only imagine if I had a student loan with a job salary that can barely cover my bills. Then this investment’s ROI could be beyond my lifetime.

I just want a chance. An opportunity to prove to myself and my parents that this education, that has consumed most of my family’s resources, is worth the investment. An opportunity for a career and not just a job. A chance for a better life- Just like what the previous generations have dreamed of.

 

Just dogs

More than a year ago, I was given these two stupid puppies and I was forced to accept them. I have no experience in taking care of dogs or any animal. I was even afraid of dogs. My mom, brother and grandfather were all victims of dog bites. So as much as possible, I stay away from them. I had zero interest in the animal kingdom and I would like to keep it that way.

And so, I tried getting rid of the puppies. I tried giving them away but everyone refused to take them since they come from a breed of askals. Askals are a local term for street/stray dog in the Philippines. It’s very hard to distinguish their breed because these dogs don’t have any paper works and they’re a mix of different breeds so their physical appearance is not distinct enough to be categorized as to what breed they belong to.

Most people don’t like to have askals as pets because… Honestly, I dont know why most people dont like taking care of askals. They bark like a beagle. They can be cute like a shitzu and they can be as loyal as a labrador. Maybe because street dogs have a reputation for being dirty or having rabies or being unhygienic. But these are new born puppies. I had them checked and injected with all the anti-rabies and boosters the vet recommended.  But still, no one accepted them. Also, most people think owning an askal would de-glamorize their (non-existent) social status. No one wants a street dog for a pet. They’re nasty and stupid.

Then I tried abandoning them at the city pound. The vet told me that if I leave them there, they will be put to an endless sleep after a week if no one adopts them. “A week?? That’s too fast! Shouldn’t it be at least month?” I asked. Vet told me they have limited resources. My conscience couldn’t bear the thought.

So I got stuck with two stupid pups. Two stupid, cute, funny puppies. I named them Tootsie and Shadow. The moment I named them I knew there was no turning back. They have officially become mine. The next few weeks I devoted my free time googleing on how to take care of dogs. I tried teaching them tricks like where to poop/pee and sit and crawl and roll over and jump in the hoola hoop and come here and stay and wait and I was so surprised that they learned. I taught my puppies proper etiquette! And after a few months they grew bigger and stronger and faster and more loyal to me. They guard me, protect me and cuddle me and they’ve become my most loyal companions. And I never expected that from dogs… from two stupid dogs. They look at me like I’m the most important person in their life and they’re always so happy to see me. Coming home would always be a huge excitement.

I honestly felt guilty because I thought of giving them away and abandoning them when I initially had them. And now they repay me with so much love and loyalty. It was a beautiful lesson I learned from my dogs.

 

Now whenever the dogs and I go for a walk. I get a lot of compliments about how well-behaved my dogs are and how strong and healthy they look. People are surprised to know that they’re just askals. I tell them “It’s not about the dog. It’s about the owner.” If you give dogs love and attention, they’ll repay that in double. Its just about responsible pet ownership.

I now have a sense of concern for animals-not just dogs. My dogs have opened a new perspective. I used to be oblivious about animal cruelty but now I feel something. Suddenly, I feel compassionate towards injured animals, stray cats and abused wildlife. If only all people would feel the same way. We are not above the animal kingdom. We are part of the cycle. And two stupid dogs made me realize that.

Learning and Ageing

I recently turned 26. Wow. My age tells me that I should be over with my quarter-life crisis by now but my mind tells me otherwise. Weird how when I was 7, the age 26 seemed like a really mature age. I had an idealistic view of my 26^th year when I was a kid. The path I made was very different compared to what my 7 year old self has planned for me.

On a lighter, less stressful note, allow me to share with you a few things I learned now that I am 26.

1. Cheetos are not part of a monkey’s diet. Thanks to my pet monkey, Moymoy for letting me know that—the hard way.
2. I should not pick up a dog on its nape. They are not cats. (Sorry, Tootsie, Shadow and Chappie)
3. I should have Ivatan blood flowing through my veins to be able to own a property in Batanes. I should also have money (a lot) to be able to afford it.
4. There are no public markets in Batanes. They buy food and other supplies from their neighbors.
5. There are only two people who received the two Nobel Prizes of different fields. One is Marie Curie (girl power!) for Physics and Chemistry. And Linus Pauling for Chemistry and Peace (that’s a weird yet cool combo, Sir Linus!)
6. Pluto takes 248 years to travel around the sun (equivalent to one Monday on Earth).
7. I am now somehow forgiving to the flawed version of my ugly self. I am not completely at peace with it but I have learned to accept a few pieces of it. Still a work in progress.
8. I still care what other people think/say about me.
9. Fear does not simply fade away. You can only learn to manage it but it does not go away.
10. Choose your battles. Some battles are not worth fighting for.
11. The women of the Karen tribe in Chiang Mai, Thailand wears golden (heavy) rings on their necks to protect themselves from tigers… and also for vanity purposes.
12. Time does not heal all wounds. Just like fear, I just learn to manage it and put those wounds in the back burner but it does not simply fade away.
13. Sometimes, YOLO is not a good advice.
14. Me-time is crucial to your well-being.
15. I should not wear a dress when (a.) climbing a 60ft tree and (b.)sand boarding
16. Whale sharks eat planktons not humans (Whew!)
17. Sleeping clears the mind.
18. Orange juice should not be your chaser of choice when your downing a whiskey infused with scorpion and turtle.
19. There is a country in Africa called Cote d’Ivoire.
20. When gardening, there is such a thing called prepping the soil. This involves heating the soil by pouring boiling hot water on it or simply cooking the soil above fire. This will kill some, if not all, bacteria that may compete for nutrients in your plant.
21. Dancing will bring out the “young, wild and free” within you.

 

Batanes

Why hello wordpress. It’s been a while. Im going through so much this year. Anyway, my emotional roller coaster has landed me in the islands of Batanes. I guess its my way of finding my peace.

We stayed at Amboys Hometel. I highly recommend it. It actually exceeded my expectations. I’ve always thought Batanes was a place that time forgot. But I was wrong. They have paved roads, beautiful buildings and cars. Amboys hometel is better than the other hotels I’ve stayed in some provinces in PH.

 

Their bathrooms are really neat and modern. Their rooms comes with hot and cold showers, A/C, flat screen tv with cable, a double bed and a single bed. You can check their fb page for more details.

Amboy’s is located in Batan island. Right in front of the beach.

Amboy’s package comes with tours, transportations and full board meals (bfast, lunch and dinner). We stayed in Batanes for 5days and 4nights. Their package is very convenient. Saves you the hassle of worrying about where to eat and what to do and where to go and how to go there.

We get one free day in our 5days stay. And that free day happens to be the Pacqiao-Mayweather boxing match. Amboy’s provided pay per view screening of the fight– free to hotel guests. They actually have pay per view screening per hotel room but watching the fight in their cafeteria is more fun.

A few info about Batanes:

1. They don’t have land line phones. Communications are usually done via mobile phone or email.

2. Cellphone signals are close to zero. My phone network is globe and I did not have a single bar signal in my whole stay. Smart network users have a better signal but this is based on your location.

3. They do have good wifi connection (in Amboy’s at least).

4. Although Amboy’s have water and electricity supply 24/7. In some barangays of the island, they only have water and electricity supply in specific times of the day or specific days in a week.

5. They don’t have swimming pools. Since water is scarce, don’t expect a resort.

6. Cow, goat and sea foods are the common menu. Pork is rare since pigs eat feeds. and feeds are expensive since they will buy this from mainland. Cows and goats eat grass which is abundant in BAtanes.

7. Popular mode of transportation for locals are bikes or scooters. Tried biking but it is harder than i thought. The hill-y landscape of Batanes makes it very difficult to pedal up on the bike. But for tours, we rode a van.

8. Batanes is a small province. It is consists of 10 islands, only 3 of which are inhabited (Itbayat, Batan and Sabtang). Batan is the center of the Batanes where most hotels are located. Itbayat is 4 hours north of Batan via motor boat. This is usually not included in most tours since getting here is quite difficult due to unpredictable sea waves. Sabtang is 30mins south of Batan via motor. This is included in our tour. We allotted one day for this.

9. The people are very kind. Our tour guide told us that although the crime rate in Batanes is close to zero, the people who committed those crimes are not from Batanes. Offenders are usually tourists and workers from mainland Luzon.

10. Items in Batanes are expensive compared to items sold in Manila. Batanes is not a self-sufficient island. They import most of their everyday necessities and skilled workers from Manila.

11. Plane to Batanes is very small that even your standard hand carry luggage wouldnt fit in the overhead compartment. I suggest you get a check-in baggage allowance.

Here are some of my pictures, all of which are raw and unedited. Very beautiful Batanes 🙂

    

Pangungulila

Nagungulila ako sayo
Paano na ako
Ngayong wala ka

Kay bilis ng mga pangyayari
Sana hinintay mo ako
Sana umuwi na lang ako
Sa mahigpit mong mga yakap
Bakit ba hindi ako nakinig
Sa mga tinig sa aking isip

Bakit mo ako iniwan
Bakit hindi ka nagpaalam
Yakapin mo akong muli
Kausapin mo ako
Hawakan mo ang aking mga kamay
Ipaunawa mo sa akin
Ang mga misteryo ng mundo

Sabihin mo sa akin
Na ang lahat ay maibabalik sa dati
Pakinggan mo ang aking hinaing
Bigyang pansin ang aking pagmamakaawa

Nangungulila ako sayo

January 9, 2015

The day that I feared the most has arrived.

No matter how much I prepared myself for this day, it is still painful.
I have thought through this long ago. I have braised myself countless times. And just like that it smacked me right out of my heart.

How do I move on without you? It is deeply painful to let you go. So heartbreaking to say goodbye.

I will never forget you, my dearest. You will always have a special place in my heart. May you rest in eternal peace. I love you. Forever.

Broken

It was the most depressing moment of my life. I cried myself to sleep every night for about a month. I shunned myself from everyone. I hid from the sun’s energizing rays and curled myself in the dark. i felt broken, empty, alone. There was nothing that could change the hands of fate. There was no way of turning back time. “If only” and “I should’ve ” where the words I always spoke, probably the only words I knew at that time.

The worst part of it all was that I survived. I wanted to die. I thought of ways of killing myself. Putting the agony to a perpetual slumber. It was not worth of a life I thought. The pain was deep, succulent and never ending. It penetrated to every cell of my body. I was not strong enough to live this life.

The day came that I decided to steal an anti-depressant pill from my dad’s cupboard. Since then, I’ve been stealing a pill everyday. It was a crime i don’t regret committing. I guess it helped. Day by day my emotions slowly improved. I started to get out of bed. I ate. I bathed. I talked not just to myself but to actual people. I was told that I was very much understood. It was not a big deal. It was not as important as i thought it was. Everyone completely understood what I was going through and what I felt was a natural reaction towards the situation. To say the least, I became happy again.

But there are times that they would give me that glare. You know “that” glare that would instantly make me feel indifferent. Or sometimes they couldn’t stand it and just throw some words along with “that” glare. Basing on how they sometimes looked at me or how they sometimes treated me, I came to the conclusion that I was still broken.

It felt like I was never going to be good enough…ever. That I became a lesser person because of what happened. That no matter how much I try to prove myself, I am still a failure. And no matter how much I try to fix myself, I will always remain broken.

The Talk

I have learned from others’ mistake to not resort to social media in times of anger or depression. Well this is me being stupid..again.

I have written my lines, proof read it and rehearsed it everywhere–in the bathroom, the train, while walking, running, before I sleep, every chance I get. I have taken into account any rebuttal she might give and I have prepared my answers.

In my mind, the lines would go something like this:

ME: Hello, I would just like to know if Shorty has already discussed you the approval of my request? I already talked to her and she said she will raise the matter to you.

Whatever her answer may be, my reply would be:

ME : But you received my email, right?

HER: Yes (I am damn sure she received it. If she says no, then Pinocchio will be offended.)

ME: Can I be honest? I hate comparing and I also don’t like dropping names and I don’t know any other way to explain this without sounding demanding. Timid Boy received his benefit on the exact day of his 1 year in the company. He was informed about this a day before his 1 year mark. The same thing goes with Avatar. Sexy, received hers upon regularization while Four Eyes had hers in less than a year of being in the position. So I was wondering how I am performing compared to them to not be able to earn that kind of trust from you.

HER: You are actually doing well. (I’m sure I’m doing well. I have data and evidence supporting this.) I will ask Shorty about this.

ME: It has been a month since I raised you this concern and I have never received any feedback. Your silence on this matter speaks volumes. It sends a message that I am not performing as good as the others.

HER: I understand your concern but we have to keep in mind the management’s directive.

ME: I have full understanding of the memo but it just seemed unfair. Why does the rule only apply to certain people? and why am I the one being singled out. It only proves that I still haven’t earned your trust.

HER: I need to discuss this further with Shorty.

ME: If I have earned your trust, you wouldn’t need to discuss this with Shorty. Its hardly fair that I still have to remind management about this while the others didn’t even have to ask it from you. I don’t mind if you don’t trust me. I just want to know the reason why you don’t. I want to know my areas of improvement so I can work on it and be better at my job. I want to know what the others did or did not do to have earned your trust. If you don’t trust me to do my work, then I don’t understand why you’re still keeping me.

HER: We are just being extra careful.

ME: How much money have I lost for this company? How much have I stolen to have my integrity doubted that way. Work is already stressful without being treated like a criminal/robot.

HER: I’m sorry but I forgot about this. It slipped my mind. Don’t worry, I’ll fix it.

ME: Our team is service oriented. We assist other teams in their concerns. We support them in their requirements. Wouldn’t it be wrong for them to assume that we can actually help them when in reality, we cant even assist our own team. I need you to be honest. Do you see me as a liable to the team? Please tell me the truth. I’m strong enough to handle it.

HER: Ok request granted.

<END>

 

 

But in reality, the lines went like this:

ME: Hello, I would just like to know if Shorty has already discussed you the approval of my request? I already talked to her and she said she will raise the matter to you.

HER: No.

ME: OK, thanks.

<END>

 

Cosmo Bachelor bash 2013

Ok so I dont know if this has become a tradition, an annual thing, a vow. I really don’t know but I hope I will keep going to this event every year. For the past two years, I have been going to Cosmo Bash and I’m always in the VIP.   My gosh!!!!! The men are within reach!

 

The Cosmo center folds. I am drawn to Alden Richards. He has the face of an angel but his body is to sin for. dammit!

 

 

Didn’t take much photos. I wanted to focus on the event itself. For more shirtless male photos, you may look at my cosmo post last year here. Enjoy, ladies and bekies!